Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Finally! Some good things happening

The past few months have been hell. Of course, anyone that ever reads this is well aware of that. I'm pleased to announce a few good things.

First, I've taken control of my depression. It's not easy. However, I refuse to let depression win. I can't take meds cause they cause suicidal ideation when there otherwise isn't any. So my anti-depressant has been working out. It's been two weeks of consistent workouts, but I'm finally feeling better. Of course, that's mentally. Physically, I can barely move most days!

The other good thing is that we have FINALLY been able to apply to be reassigned back stateside. With everything that has happened with our son, we and his doctors truly feel that getting away from here will go a long way towards getting him better.

It's been a struggle over the past few months just getting all of the evaluations and then supporting documentation. But we finally have it all and we applied today!!

So now it's a 6-8 week wait to see if/when/where we are going. So by February 6th, 2013 we should have an answer. Then it's just a matter of out processing. There's no guarantee that we will get to leave, but the doctors and the advocates all think that we have a really good case.

So we're one step closer to ending this nightmare! I can't wait. I am SOOOO ready to be back in the States.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Airmen's stockings program, year 2

Wow! This year flew by! It's already that time again where I play Santa and provide our airmen with gifts and stockings. I started this program last year when I found out just how little the base did for our single airmen stationed overseas and living in the dorms.

Last year, I wasn't able to get pictures because their stockings and gifts were put into their rooms while they were at work. This year though, I delivered everything myself. It was a lot of fun and I was able to get pictures of their smiling faces!

I raised a little over $4000 this year from the G+, Twitter and Facebook communities. In addition to that, each airmen received 8 or 9 cards with personalized messages in them! Thank you all so much for your support!

There were airmen here who had received gifts last year that were shocked that I managed to do it again. Specifically, Airmen Chance has asked me to extend his thanks to all of you. Last year, he received a Craftsman tool set. He informed me yesterday that he uses it regularly and that it was an amazing gift. Airmen Clark received an electric guitar last year, and has been teaching himself how to play!

It was such a joy to see the look of surprise on the new airmen's faces when they were told that they had a Christmas present.

I chose to go with embroidered blankets as their gifts this year. Each blanket said "In war there are no unwounded soldiers. RAF Mildenhall 2012". I made sure that they were very good quality blankets. The airmen all seemed to love them and many wrapped themselves up into them, or snuggled with them for a few moments.

There were several exclamations of surprise when the airmen saw that their stockings had also been embroidered with their names on them! They had a blast going through them and seeing all of the goofy little toys that were included. I filled the stockings with candy too. Even managed to get some of the old fashioned candy sticks!

So thank you all for how much you did this year. I've got pictures to show this time!! I'm so excited and grateful that all of you care as much as you do about these airmen. Their smiles definitely warm the heart.

Showing such acts of kindness goes a very long way over here. Last year, you all helped save a life. This year, you made all of these people and so many more smile. I couldn't get pictures of everyone, as some of the guys work mid shift and I am in bed long before that! But I shared some of what I was able to get. Everyone who helped, by donating, writing cards, retweeting, sharing, etc made a difference. So thank you.

I still have cookies and more cards to deliver this weekend. And if any more cards come in, I will be handing them out too. These airmen expected nothing, and were so happy to receive anything at all. ALL of them wanted me to extend their thanks to you guys. So thank you. From them and me. =D

Sunday, December 09, 2012


 There is a sort of stigma attached to people that come from broken homes. Those of us raised by the foster care system get labeled. People assume that we are going to fail before we even start something. I've seen it time and time again throughout my life and it irritates the hell out of me.

No one expected me to succeed in life. When I was 14, I was standing in front of a judge because my biological mother had once again abused me and they were finally terminating her parental rights. I hadn't been in trouble, hadn't done anything wrong. We were there solely based on the abuse that my egg donor continuously put me through. I will never forget the words that the magistrate said to me. Word for word, they ring in my ears. He said "If it was legal to order you to be sterilized, I would. I hope you never have children because you will not be able to break this cycle of abuse". BOOM, set up to fail long before I even thought about having children.

Then, no one expected me to finish high school. With all of the moving around that I did, and all of the constant changing, I wasn't expected to succeed. I ended up getting my GED, but later found out from my school counselor that I had in fact had enough credits to graduate with my class. I didn't know this because my egg donor had found me and abused me again, so I missed the last several weeks of school because I didn't want to show my face with all of the bruises on it. I didn't want to be remembered that way. I had assumed (wrongly) that since I missed my final exams, I wouldn't be eligible to graduate. So technically, I have both a GED and a diploma. Not too bad for a girl that no one expected to make it past 10th grade.

The worst of it though was when I did become a single teenage mother. I had used protection, was in a steady relationship, etc. But when I became a mom, it was assumed that I was going to fail. Everyone in my life believed it. I seemed to be the only one that believed in myself.

I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy. In fact, it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Being solely responsible for the well being of another life isn't an easy undertaking. My son's father was never in his life. I had him terminate his parental rights when my son was born. I wasn't going to tie him down with a child and or child support when I knew full and well going into our relationship that he never wanted children. I have never regretted that decision either.

My son is now 15. He's never been taken away from me, despite my biological mother trying her hardest to have it be so. She is bi-polar and schizophrenic and refuses to take her meds like she should. She's called the cops and social services on me more times than I can count. She's called and made accusations that I was abusing my child, even though her and I have no contact whatsoever. Each time, the allegations were deemed not only unfounded, but preposterous. She was even arrested by the sheriffs office the last time for false allegations against me and falsifying a police report.

I've done the best that I can in my life. I try to be the best mother that I can be to my kids. I am in a healthy, happy marriage. I finished high school, went to college, etc. All in all, I think I'm doing pretty well.

But back to the stigma...

In times like now, when my son was severely bullied and is battling with the depression that comes with it, I am being blamed. It's expected because of the life that I had. I hate that. Even mother's that didn't get pregnant until later in life still have children that struggle with bullying.

I have had people say to me "Well, with YOUR past, it's no wonder he's not adjusting well in school".

People, that hurts. What he is going through now has nothing to do with my past. It has only to do with what those other kids put him through.

I may have come from a broken home, but please stop judging me by my mother's choices. I am not her, I am stronger than her, and I will NEVER treat my children the way that she did.

I am choosing not to fail. I just wish you all would stop labeling me by my past. I didn't do anything wrong then, and I'm not doing anything wrong now.

Labeling people based on things that have happened TO them is cruel. Try judging people based on what THEY have done. On their actions alone, not on the actions of those before them. Because even serial killers can come from a stable home. And not all kids who were raised in good homes turn out right.

Stigma's suck. Please stop it.