Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Roller Coaster from Hell

Life has been a massive roller coaster of emotions since we've moved here. I know many of you have seen my Tweets and read some of the stuff I've put on +. I feel like I need to set a few things straight, since my rants are usually me just ranting about the moment, but people are too dumb to realize that.
Yes, I am absolutely miserable over here. I've never been so depressed in my entire life, and it scares the hell out of me.
Does that mean that I don't value the friendships that I've made since I've been here? Absolutely not. When I'm bitching and complaining about how stupid people are, am I referring to those I consider friends? No. I'm referring to how people treat me without knowing me, at all. There is a huge difference. So please don't feel that me wanting to leave here means that I want to leave those individuals. It just means that I need to take my life as a whole and evaluate what is going to be best for me and my family.
Do I hate being a military wife? No. I realize that I have been bitching and complaining a lot about life over here. Overall, I have had an amazing experience being a military wife. The support for military families that I have seen from our country has been incredible, and I appreciate the care packages, the warm wishes, etc.
What I hate is my life right now. It's called environmental depression. My depression is directly relavent to the weather over here. You can always tell when it's sunny out, because those are the days when I'm perky and not hating it. I wish that I could control this. I wish that I could change it. I don't understand it, so there's nothing that I can do about it. I have always loved the rain, so why it makes me so miserable here is beyond me.
The military put us here, but they can't control the weather. So yes, I will bitch and complain about the military, because that's what brought me here. It doesn't mean that I hate my country, it doesn't mean that I don't support the military. It means that I'm in over my head and I need help. The military is the only way for me to get it right now. So please don't confuse my depression with a hate for the military way of life. They are separate issues in my mind, even if I can't always or don't always convey that way of thinking in my posts.

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