Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Putting on my big girl panties

Well, it's been 8 months since we uprooted everything we've known in our lives and moved to a new country. This have definitely been different than we expected. Up until just a few short weeks ago, it's been miserable and I've wanted nothing more than to leave this place and go home.
The entire move has been a nightmare. Fighting with TMO, the passport office, dealing with homelessness for awhile because we cleared base housing when they told us too, but couldn't leave when we were supposed to. The kids being in 3 different schools in one school year. The change in weather, and yes, even a change in culture. I went from having a very active social life to having no social life at all. I was starved for adult interaction, but hated calling anyone back home because all I ever did was bitch and complain about how pathetic my life was. I was making excuses for my behavior, I was justifying my temper tantrum, and I can see that now.
But somewhere, somehow, through all the tears, the whining, the frustrations, something finally clicked in my scattered brain, and I remembered why we are here.
We didn't move here expecting unicorns and rainbows. We didn't save for years and years and dream of living here our entire lives. We came here because my husband serves his country. We came here because his country told us to. This is where we are needed, and this is where we will stay until our tour of duty is up. We came here because that's what you do when you join the military. You make sacrifices.
Is this really a sacrifice though? I mean, for crying out loud, I live in ENGLAND! Sure, the weather sucks, and they can't tell a cookie from a biscuit, but is it really as bad as I've made it out to be? Maybe, but then again, maybe not.
We have opportunities here that we wouldn't have had in the States. We can travel, and for really cheap too. I can go to London anytime I want to. I was able to help out with the riot cleanup (Which I gotta say, was kind of devastating). I can introduce my British friends to the wonders of American cooking. (The food here is very bland). I can wear dresses with jeans and not get more than a glance my way. I can color my hair any funky color I want to, and it's considered normal.
I have a brand new start in life. No one here truly knows me yet. They've only seen the medicated me. The one who couldn't adjust to her surroundings. The one who wanted to give up and go home.
Well, I'm off my meds now. I'd rather be a little off the wall and unbalanced than to be that miserable depressed whiny ass brat that I been for the past 8 months.
I've decided that going home isn't an option. Being miserable for 4 years isn't either. So I'm going to make the best out of the time that we have here. I don't know for sure what I'm going to be doing yet. I'm still kind of floundering around with that. But who cares? I can do ANYTHING I want to. I can completely reinvent myself if I want. Cause let's be honest, I seriously doubt a single one of my real life friends will be bothering to come and visit. So there's nothing holding me back. There's nothing stopping me from being the person I've always felt that I had to suppress.
So watch out England. My husband may be over here to help you defend your country, and to defend our own, but I'm here to raise some hell!!
And btw, they are COOKIES. Biscuits are what you serve with gravy. And tea is meant to be cold and sweet, not hot and milky.
I've got my big girl panties on now. No more tantrums for me. This is the life I chose when I said "I Do", and damn it, I'm gonna do it, and I'm gonna do it with a huge smile on my face! 


  1. You know I'd love to come and visit you. One of these days maybe I can. I think your new take on this is a good one. I think you had every right to feel the way you did about it before, but I also think the only thing we really have complete control over is ourselves and how we take in what the world gives us. It sounds like shit advice when someone is having a tough time though. I'm hoping this new attitude about the move will bring you the relief you deserve and that you will find your niche there. Because England is really missing out if they don't get you. :p

  2. I'm doing everything that I can to make things good here. Lots of life changes, but I'm trying really hard not to lose who I am in the process. I know there's lots to see and do here, it's just hard adjusting to doing everything in the cold and rain! Even the Brits are bitching about how shitty the weather has been this summer. I do hope it improves. I hate being cold!
    My attitude has to change. I can't stand the tears anymore. Although I know that the medication that I was on was also preventing me from adjusting. Now that I'm off of it, I'm doing a lot better. Thanks for the support. I'm definitely going to need it.

  3. "And btw, they are COOKIES. Biscuits are what you serve with gravy. And tea is meant to be cold and sweet, not hot and milky."

    Can I get an AMEN! (no, I'm not religious - but, I was raised in the SOUTH!)

    Get back on your horse and ride your husband around the bedroom a few times! That'll warm you up!