Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Making a Marriage work

I may very well have helped save a marriage tonight. A friend of my husband’s has been going through a really hard time with her husband and they were on the brink of divorce. Now, I say that she is a friend of my husbands, but they never ever talk anymore. Her and I talk and we get along really well. It seems like he’s always been friends with girls that are a lot like me, but for some odd reason, he’s always dated moronic imbeciles. So anyways, her and I have become friends. She’s a total sweetie, but her and her hubby have flubbed up quite a bit. So it got me thinking about life, love, and what marriage is really all about.
I’ve been through 2 divorces already. Yes, me. I’m 30 years old and on husband number 3. So what do I know about marriage? What do I really know about love? A lot actually. Since I’ve been in 2 failed marriages before, I wanted to make sure that this one was right. I had no intention of ever getting married again. EVER. So, how did I end up married just 10 days after my divorce from my ex was final? No, I wasn’t cheating. I waited until I was out of that marriage before I moved on. I did meet the man of my dreams while I was waiting for my divorce to become finalized.
My marriage hasn’t always been easy. But over the past couple of years, I’ve learned more about love than I had learned in an entire lifetime.
  1. Love isn’t perfect. It has it’s ups and downs, it’s ins and outs. But if you refuse to give up, then you’ll be ok.
  2. Divorce should never be in your vocabulary. It’s not an option.
  3. The little things mean the most.
  4. Your spouse should always come first. Even before the kids. So many marriages end when the kids move out of the house because everyone was so focused on the kids, they lost track of the relationship. If you put your spouse first, then you will still have a strong, loving bond even after the nest is empty. And you'll set an awesome example for your children too.
  5. Fight fair. Once you’ve resolved an issue, don’t bring it back up, don’t throw it in the other person’s face.
  6. Don’t ever be too busy for each other. Even if you snatch 5 minutes a few times a day, focus on each other.
  7. Have sex. Wild, uninhibited sex.
  8. Talk openly about sexual desires with each other without judgement or repulsion. Be open and honest with each other.
  9. Trust your partner. Even if they’ve cheated before. Once you’ve forgiven them, you can’t keep throwing it  up in their face. Otherwise, you’ll always be concentrating on the other woman, even when there isn’t one.
  10. Write love letters. Sometimes, just write “I love you” on a post it note. That little note can make someone’s horrible day that much better.
  11. Stop nagging. You’re not his mother, you’re his wife.
  12. Be supportive of each other. If one person decides that they want you guys to travel for a year, do it. Live. You only get one life, and the outcome is the same for everyone. We all die. So live fully while you can. Live your dreams, no matter how silly they may seem.
  13. Save money. No matter how hard this is, put money back every pay day. Even if you’re living paycheck to paycheck, you can still put back 10 dollars. Having a savings, even a small one, will help you to not fight about finances, which is a leading cause of divorce.
  14. Always take care of yourself. Don’t be the girl that stays in her pajamas all day. Take a few minutes every morning to get dressed.
  15. SHAVE YOUR LEGS. I mean, seriously? No one wants to sleep with a grizzly bear.
  16. Stand up for your spouse. Even if you’re livid with them, stand up for them. Make it clear that you still love him/her.
  17. Don’t trash talk your SO. Have one friend that is completely supportive of marriage and vent to them if you need to. But don’t ever ever talk down about your spouse to others. Don’t bring family and friends into it. You’re adults. Talk to each other. Work it out.
These little things help so much in a marriage. Making minor adjustments will make all the difference in the world. Remember to communicate with each other. The little annoyances can sometimes end up being a huge fight because no one spoke up before. Don’t wait for an explosion guys.
I can honestly say that doing these simple little things has made all the difference in my life. I’m truly happy. I love, I trust, I refuse to even entertain the idea of a divorce. I try really hard now not to pick stupid fights. I’m getting a lot better about evaluating a situation before I get mad. There are times when I’m upset and he’ll start nagging me to talk to him about it. I have to calmly explain that I’m processing it. That I’m trying to decide if it’s even worth being upset about. Most of the time, it’s not. But once I’ve made that decision, I’m not so bothered by whatever it was that had me upset.
I hope you can be happy. I hope that you can make some changes if they are needed. Marriage is a beautiful thing, if you allow it to be.

1 comment:

  1. I am on my 4th marriage myself (took me longer to learn) I couldn't agree more on all points.